You Ain’t Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants!

20 11 2008


In all of the election hullabaloo, I completely missed that NME released it’s 2008 Cool List on Nov. 4. Sadly, Cooper and I weren’t on it. WTF, NME? It’s just like high school all over again… just kidding. I was wicked cool in high school. Anyway, topping the list at number one was Crystal Castles frontwoman, Alice Glass. According to NME, when Glass found out, she said, “I’m flattered… my pact with Satan hasn’t expired yet.” That pretty much sums up all reasoning as to why she was named Coolest Person of 2008.

Right behind Glass was Jay-Z who I’m sure will be near the top of this list every year until he dies. And then he’ll still be on it somewhere for the next 50 years after he dies. Other personal favorites that made the list include Ladyhawke at #6 (hey girl!), Caleb Followill at #7 (he puts my sex on fire), M.I.A. at #8 (all I wanna do is… get prego apparently), Dave Sitek at #14 (everything about him is just cool), Johnny Marr at #15 (duh), Ezra Koenig at #16 (just because I love Vampire Weekend), Santogold at #17 (I actually think she should have been MUCH higher), Zack de la Rocha at #24 (just because I was waiting for a RATM comeback), Rivers Cuomo at #31 (because I love Weezer and because his name is cool), Lovefoxxx at #32 (because she’s crazy and I like crazy), Brandon Flowers at #37 (37? are you kidding me? Brandon Flowers should always be top 20 at least), and Matt Bellamy at #46 (weird in a fun, intelligent way).

Of course, douchebag #2 of the century (second only to his brother), Liam Gallagher, came in at number 9, reason being that he wasn’t quite as douchey as his brother this year. Way to be only somewhat of an asshat, Liam. I don’t get the UK’s love affair with Oasis. The Gallagher brothers are talentless immature babies jagoffs and their music is mediocre at best. With all of the great music coming out of the UK, you’d think that people there would realize that Oasis blows, but they don’t. I don’t know why. There’s no way Gallagher should have been on the list at all, let alone so far ahead of Santogold. Another person of note that made the list was Scarlett Johansson at #29 for making an album of Tom Waits COVERS. Obviously whoever made this list just wants to bone befriend Ms. Johansson.

Posted by Garvey




One response

23 11 2008
Brita James

HAHAHA….Why are you so good at verbally conveying everything i feel about music?? CRIMEWAVE by Crystal Castles was like a serious anthem for my peeps and I this summer, talented lady kudos deserving. Oasis were a staple in my youth though in support of your argument, they haven’t released anything “noteworthy” since their debut, what’s the story morning glory?…I was pleased with the Brits on a whole and found they were well represented on the countdown…MIA fully equates awesomeness in case any doubt lingered…

Things you missed…7. Caleb Followill, Kings Of Leon despite the overrated sex on fire album I was shocked to see him land so high. 12. Gus Garvey – because it involves your namesake and lastly, obviously you and Cooper’s favorite rapper of all time at no.13 Lil Wayne!!!

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